« Posts tagged twitter

Seriously: Let’s Talk About Amanda Bynes

Tragic foreshadowing . . .

Amanda Bynes, mugshot, animated gif, glitch

But I’m not here to make judgment calls. Correction : judgment calls regarding her extra-curricular activities, or — you know. Life in general. Instead, the query that’s a hot tip for me, Mary . . . A cursory glance at her courtroom attire, and I have to ask : Does she not have any queer friends? Or even white-washed WeHo GHEYS, for that matter?

‘Cause if so, whatever shady phag let her out of the house wearing that $30 Hollywood Blvd synthetic wig needs to be bound and gagged in Abercrombie & Fitch for the next decade! [The ultimate punishment : release the little shit once he’s past his tweenage prime.]

Oh, but wait. I assume you guys know about The T that went down in Twitter-town?

Miss Bynes had a less-than cordial response. I’ll spare the vitriol and leave it As It Is.

Amanda Bynes, animated gif, glitch

Mmm-hrmm. I know, baby girl. I know. Oh, but just a little technical ish? Well aware you were “in character” and all that : but this don’t look nothin’ like no grin . . .

Diggin’ that low-rez, slightly glitched-out look, howevs. Very au courant, in fact!

Amanda Bynes, animated gif, make-up brush

Sheet. Just one last thing. Hon, umm . . .the make-up brush? Makes all the difference if you touch your skin. Pinky-swear and pierced cheeks, darlin’.

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“I Make Very Expensive Clothes That Are Very Uncomfortable To Wear.”

Mildred Von Hildegard’s Twitter bio might seem terse to some, pretentious to others. Whereas in my case? This cheeky yet charming description intensified an element of intrigue and jangly-limbed anticipation for our introduction-via-collaboration this Saturday past.

I Don’t Do ‘Friendly’ † Photo : Dirk Mai † Make-Up : Stacey Hummell

In a city illustrious for back-handed, capped-teeth “compliments” and unpredictable, unspoken disdain thinly disguised by a veritable check-list of publicists’ blanket statements, Hildegard’s choice for her 160-characters-or-less slot on The ‘Twits seemed fitting with the images I’d seen of her clothing designs: anachronistic — a fetish posture collar adorned with tattered lace, roses in an array of shadowy hues and elements of Victorian mourning attire; sensual — soft tattered edges, the type of attire that fingertips long to touch; unapologetic — ruched leather, straps and buckles arranged without regard to which body parts “should” or “shouldn’t” be exposed. Essentially, her handiwork is the antithesis of all that is red carpet Hollywood and relentlessly bourg.

Known to her public by the moniker Mother of London, Hildegard is a seminal talent both coveted and revered by fashion cognoscenti. Consequently, she’s rabidly hunted by L.A.’s handful of fashion-forward stylists — hence her stitch-witchery gracing the cover of the latest S Magazine [ on the explosive Juliette Lewis ], along with editorials in Numero, AnOther magazine, Bizarre, Playboy, Marquis, et al.

Said another way? While I’m unsure how many details of aforementioned ‘Secret Project’ I’m permitted to share at this juncture in time, a detail I can share is this: upon arrival at the studio, I discovered a stylist had hoarded the collar Her Mother Almightiness intended for the shoot.

Photo : Dirk Mai † Make-Up: Stacey Hummell

It’s a vicious business, fashion. All the same, we managed to share an afternoon with neither smileage nor spontaneity in short supply. Granted, the all my collaborative efforts with Mssr. Mai, each has produced its own set of explosive alchemical reactions resulting from a mixture of mysticism, madness, the Not only does The Mother corrupt traditional perceptions of fetish-wear and period costume, but she’s also adorable, donning death metal t-shirts and boundless charisma in the process.

Yes, my choice of verbiage was deliberate — just as one can be over-dressed in attitude — and yes, I hope to be swathed in her sublime regalia again in the not-too-distant future. Of more immediate import, however — particularly for those quite a distance from her L.A. showroom — I have advantageous news :

Between October 2008 and now [or, with more the 22nd of May, Two Thousand and Ten], this textile fascinatrix has posted a mere six items in her etsy shop.

Two of the six are fresh on the market, and while they’re categorized as menswear, I’d classify them as UNISEXY…

an asymmetrical leather collar

:: detailed view [ of both the handiwork and model Dylan Monroe ] ::

&

detachable sleeves, made of 100% vegan faux ostrich texturized leatherette

Grab your credit cards while you can, style fiends. Who knows how long it’ll be till the next opportunity presents itself…

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So, Yeah: I’ve Had A Few Problems Twit & Twattering Around…

(Please give the image a hot little minute to load):

In short?

(It’s astounding the changes a 140 character limit imposes…)

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Tweet Tweet, Who’s The Twitter Twathead?

O.K., so…exactly who is

http://twitter.com/clintcatalyst

?

‘Cause–while it took me a hot minute, yes–I decided to relent.
To give in.
To be one of the “cool kids” COUGH! geriatrics COUGH! and
spot-check what life’s like
when limited to 140-characters-or-less.

Full disclaimer: for one prone to the “tl;dr” of it all, I knew this would be a challenge.

Moreover, committing to yet another diversion from actual
work I need to get done?

(Do I dare?)

I guess… not.

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