this weekend: Friday, August 13th & Saturday, August 14th
Two Thousand & Ten A.D.
the roving, decadent, well-bedecked beast
is taking up residence at The Uptown in Oakland, CA
“…as the shades of the evening drew on, within view of the melancholy House of Usher.”
:: but what is this ‘House of Usher’—this legendary construct of myth & mirth & mystery—without its cast of characters, its inhabitants? ::
First, Please Allow Me To Present…
Shawni Brothers, Proprietress of The Estate
The question posited, I hereby present a sampling of retinal treats under the auspices that it might inspire any indecisive whine-&-diners of this, my self-named blogature, to readjust one’s posture.
Sir Xavier Haight, The Gentleman of The House
&
Vocalist/Founder of Malign, The Critically-Acclaimed Darkwave Project
Cutting to the chase, with the swath of a switchblade: If you live anywhere in the vicinity of this one-two punch of delectable darkness: even a cursory glance at the gorgeous creatures that follow should propel you off your gluteous maximus & rifling through your closet.
Case in point? The hyper-hyphenate & über-hottie Zoetica Ebb, as pictured above. Of course, you could stay in tonight & lurk endless jpegs of her posted at Biorequiem, her home base among the internet ethers—or you could even go all brainiacattack (accusations of gay? who, me? NEVER. I would not!) & explore Miss Ebb’s prolific outpourings at the subculturally essential—let alone just downright damn sublime—thick & slick & glossy-paged love-letter to alternative culture known as Coilhouse magazine, of which she was a co-founder.
Or, hey! Here’s an idea: how ’bout you just stay home with a family-sized bag of Cheetos & instead of licking the nuclear-hued dandruff off your fingertips, close your eyes & BEAT IT, BOSS
all breathin’ heavy & visualizing this fab fascinatrix you might—no promises from me, as this world we live in? a pretty damn cruel place…
But yeah, you might have a chance to stand close enough to do borderline* creepy stuff like fill your lungs with the stink of her hair.
The asterisk on “borderline”? Bitch, you already know this! Because when we’re crushed-out, there’s some intense delusional hormones released that sell us clichés like how [we] “can’t help the way we feel,” and “no, I really mean it, you guys: this time isn’t like the last time when I said it’s about time I found the right [pick a pronoun, rinse, repeat; double-up on those appointments to the shrink, as close friends will only sigh in disgust, hang up, or pay someone to fark some sense into you. Quickly].”
Kay, I really need to focus here.
Ah! That’s right! The equation of your hormones with a jaunt to Usher this fine eve…
Unless, of course, you’ve slipped past that veritable point of ABANDON HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE into a life of Ed Hardy sweatpants, woven leather belts the color of fecal matter, headbands from mega-corporate “non-corporate” franchises prominently listed—even & especially if by invisible ink—on the trustafarian American-Apparel-Apparel-Is-My-Idea-Of-Slumming, Ma-a-an pseudo post-post-ironic Hipster Checklist Of [COUGH!] Cool.
✷ Cunty Ranting Hereby Interrupted for A Ceasura of Correctness Maximus ✷
L O O K † U P O N
T H E S E † L O V E L Y † L A D I E S
Nakoeth [L] a.k.a. ‘The D.J. Formerly Known As Fuchsia’: Esteemed Provisionist of Hand-Picked Auditory Delights, &
Sorrel Smith [R], A Prodigious Talent of The Visual Arts Who Renders
Her Paintings, Portraits, & Illustrations With Consummate Skill
✷ Palettes Cleansed, Corneas Stimulated…HEED THESE WORDS AS ‘CAUTION TAPE’ FOR YOUR PSYCHE, ✷ As There’s A Shifting Of Gears Back To Vitriolic Territory ✷ (Sorry, mom. Sorry, God.) ✷
Pfft! Oh.&.Yeah: The “Checklist of Cool.” That tripe’s more played-out than Dexy Midnight Runner’s lethal earworm known as “Come On Eileen,” but then again? Chances are if you’ve read—that’s read, any blog-skimmerexic stereotypes who’re in full-blown desperato zone, scrolling with sweaty palms & a staggering 2.8 second average attention span (thanks to the ADHD Pharmers calculated into the same demo/grapho/frankly, let’s-not-get-too-graphic, whose intake of Mother’s Little Helpers fluff up those stats as effectively as a porn set’s invaluable blow-hards working behind-the-scenes)…
Anyway, as I was saying–or, at the very least, attempting to communicate before I reverted to an unfortunate habit of interrupting myself with tangential matter & tossing parentheses around with the same ease as a game of horse-shoes…
:: HERE. HERE’S THIS ::
with Ryan Rosprim [L], Maker-Ov-Musick from Kill Sister Kill:
A Band Among the ‘Short List’ of House Faves
& on the [R]? Most applicable? The Court Jester, if anything!
(Incidentally, if I look like a bitch here? Alas! A photographic representation that’s accurate)
You you you, yeah, you: with your insatiable hunger for celebrity gossip, commerce tagged as “sharing a secret” (such a flagrant ploy to incite the domino effect among the dumbed-down click, copy, paste & repost crowd to create viral content…yet just like the anything-but-accidental exposure of thongs several inches above [insert name of trendy jeans] horizon being the visual equivalent of a mating call, it’s as fool-proof as the endless supply of fools).
Umm, yeah. Whaddya say we don’t “revisit” the aforementioned yawn-fest (not to mention time-suck kthnxthoractuallyeallynot) & visualize the rapid sweeping gesture responsible for ~magic~ on a dry erase board. Yeah yeah, you know: the trademark disappearing act that occurs when ✷ POOF! ✷ It’s the same blinding white hue working actors & “working boys” have for teeth.
Anyway, so now? Keep that imagination crankin’! Since, upon it, there’s been an addition of verdant green text in which a new topic—an assignment, if you will—occupies that space with the insistence of CAPS LOCK.
The message? Consider this an invitation to (envision air quotes here) follow my lead &
commence whatever personal rituals permit you to complete your destination of being
:: Suited & Booted ::
Above This Text, The Look? Four Words, My Applause: I SEE NO FLAWS
As aforementioned, here’s a dangerously delectable sampling of the historical haunt’s gorgeous creatures dressed in sumptuous fineries. However! Before any butt-hurt gloomophiles dial whine one one for the What About Me?! What About Me!? waaahbumlance to arrive, with a stern tone, I reiterate: this is but a small cross-section of the legendary bar’s “intimate associates.” A vast array of ‘regulars’ populated Usher’s environ over the years; these pictures just happen feature some of the individuals who—for whatever various & sundry reasons—appealed to the “peculiar sensibilities & temperament” of this humble blog’s narrator.
Or, to quote Poe (yet again!): my “reserve [has] been always excessive & habitual.”
Here’s to
Cheers to
T H E † E X C E S S I V E † & † T R A N S G R E S S I V E
Exhibit A:
Sensual, Though Inherently Too Cultivated & Chic For One Dare To Describe As ‘Slutty.’
Sophisticated, Though With A Sufficient Accumulation Of Accolades; i.e., No Need To Be A Show-Off. An Infectiously Engaging Conversationalist—Perhaps The Most Charmingly Macabre Individual I’ve Ever Met, Actually. If you’re familiar with the photography of Eric Kroll, Steve Diet Goedde, Charles Gatewood, &/or Richard Kern (et al), you’ve seen her likeness: or rather, the image this anthropology major & multi-faceted individual chose to project at that precise moment in time.
A maestro of oil, Anna Noelle Rockwell‘s paintings explore the sublime intersection where
the gorgeous & the grotesque intersect. Just click it & check ‘em, already… (For feck’s sake!)
Exhibit B:
Gabriele: Conjurer Of Thunderstorms & Lunar Apparitions, Dark Liquidtrance Bloodscapes,
Scrying, Writhing Vampiric Chasms, Stitch-Witchery Of Glamoured Fabrications,
Brightly-Colored Tarot Playthings In A Physical Shape & Smash-Lit State Of Mind
Like No Other, Cemeterial Moonlit Gloom, & Body-Popping.
No typo, that: Black Magic & Body Popping
A individual in a wonderfully warped sense of the word, & a collector’s dream.
Exhibit C:
Though I Can’t Tell You If It’s From When He Was Or Wasn’t A ‘Prince,’
With All Certainty, I Concur With The Sentiment: Natalie? She’s Got The Look, Yes
Exhibit D:
Paris Sadonis: A Master of Multiple Instruments; A Painter, Performance Artist & Musician Known For Pushing Boundaries—Particularly With The Rotating Cast Of Collaborators in The Audio-Visual Pastiche He Both Created & Orchestrates: EXP. ‘EXPerimentation Without Limitation’ is a doctrine among the collective; ‘Catharticism Is The Key To Our Satisfaction’ is another.
» Oh, but there’s MOAR » “Beneath The Cut!” »
“I’m Nikki Fucking Narcotic. Do You Know How Many Friends I Have On MySpace?!”
[ It's Nikki. Y'know, Nikki Narcotic . . . Yeah, Well: NIKKI KNOWS. You know?! ]
“I’m sick and fucking tired of all these haters!”
Oh, GL▲SS †33†H :
How you fill my shattered, charcoal-stained heart with glee.
There was a moment — a brief blip on history’s collective monitor, one might say — in which the tiara-adorned Scene Queen had a significant role in the inexplicable phenomenon referred to as “CeWebrity” [ Yes, I know it's heinous. Do I need to spell every— ]
[ CUT TO ] : a formulaic Wiki How, YouTube Tutorials and Tribute Videos, an on-line ‘zine and social networking community, hubs like Be-Scene.org and Scene Central, a virtual locale for “ladies in waiting” [ no, but really ] and aspiring Scene Kings to — hell, I don’t know…compare quiz scores while waiting to see if their applications for anointment were accepted, I suppose?
Don’t get me wrong : Some of the O.G. S.Q.s [ yep, sure did ] parlayed their notoriety into lucrative businesses. I respect that. Others? Well, I’m sure they could tell you.
As for the new breed? Word of advice. For fuck’s sake, don’t call yourself a “Scene Queen.” [ or king . . . or TS, et cetera ] As in : EVER. I mean, no one should have to spell it out, but It’s. . .down-right. . . humiliating.
Whatever the case, as with Cosmo, The Rules or any other ‘How-To’ Guide : If you really want to
And BE A
My advice? Don’t follow someone else’s checklist.
Bust your own fkn’ move.
Fully admit : there’s some wicked adorable kids among the lot, fantastic explosions of color and creative expression.
[ Courtney Dior. Don't know the girl, though consider her one such example of Cuteness ]
Another? Hyper-hyphenate
[ photographer / poet / model / author ] Kris Kidd
image credit : Kesler Tran
However, insofar as Nikki? Deal is : This
amalgamationfictitious character encapsulates the monstrous end of the spectrum, in which rigid Ranking Systems and bratty, entitled behavior is the norm.C H E C K ± I T :
[ Mmm-hrmm. Yeah, whatever Nikki. Bet your skank-ass extensions you'd troll efagz to see if your asinine antics merit discussion, even. ]
But enough about Nikki — she’s so 2007, I’m surprised she isn’t donning a miniature top hat smothered in Hello Kitty appliques while “modeling” a cupcake, middle finger of her other hand extended in that universal gesture of bad breeding.
What I’m really here to talk about? The Correctness Maximus who immortalized Miss Thing. Namely, GL▲SS †33†H
I’ll go ahead and break it down. Whether or not you realize, what you need in your life is a physical copy of their EP available through Black Bvs Records. Unless, of course, you’re like Andie Walsh and have more pressing issues…In which case, who can blame? Not-so-very-minor, the dilemma. You know, that of
And so it goes, how it goes
For The Prom Queen by GL▲SS †33†H
Incidentally, Y E S : Another Cyanide-Coated Piece of Perfection, It Is!
[ Digital downloads available via Amazon and iTunes ]
Also, out now
through Phantasma Disques :
GL▲SS †33†H / ℑ⊇≥◊≤⊆ℜ [of Mater Suspiria Vision ]
Split CDR
†
[ Full disclosure: Even went so far as to pre-order a copy, like the fan girl I'm not. . .usually ]
†
Additional resources for this band that’s been dominating my Nano as of late :
GL▲SS †33†H
on
The Book Of Faces
The ‘Tubes
Songkick
MySpazz
Twitter
Tumblr
Last.fm
iTunes
Well, now. Since I had to back-track and update for a few of you meddling little shits [ "Jay Kay, BB ♥ ILY 4/SRS" ], figured I might as well update you on those Skip-The-Triangles-And-Funny-Symbols, Motherfvckers ; It’s Caps-Lock or GTFO, OK GLASS TEETH
Dead Dreamer : Video Wizardry by ☼5P1DΞR
Yes, I know they’re cute. Now pay attention! It’s time for The Bloody Beetroots — Cornelius (GLASS TEETH Remix)
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